GD-Zone Archives Logo

GD-Zone Archives Logo
Gordon's D-Zone Arcive (2006-2014)

Thursday, February 22, 2007

FACING INNER DEMONS

PART 1

Sometimes it’s strange how the past comes beck to haunt you and opens up memories and thoughts you thought lost. Since regaining my vision, many memories and things I did not remember even existed were once again into my awareness.

But the fact is that although we must bury the past in order to move on, emotions might lead us to wander into places that we had forsaken. I was reading a short book I wrote whilst in my early teens. Although I knew that there was injustice in the world, my own views about disabled people were still not developed.

Ironically, amongst the short essays I wrote, the first one dealt with ‘abnormality’ and I was already questioning whether people, I then called ‘handicapped’, were really ‘abnormal’ considering the diversity within humanity. Little did I know that such labels and certain ideas associated with such constructs applied to me. But I would deny that I was different from any other boy my age. An excerpt from chapter 1 illustrates some of my early ideas:

((LEFT) 'LIVING & SOCIETY' COVERS

““Here lies a very deep philosophical question: What is normality? This question might be answered by saying in the universe, under every form everything has its degree of singularity and abnormality. In the case of handicaps, we tag them as being with special needs but in my absolute opinion, if they are really normal to us why then grows the need to tag them.” (Living and Society, p. 1)

I was obviously unaware of the significance of what I was writing and – in spite of some words I would not use today – the passage reflects some of my preoccupations that did haunt me when I was younger. The fear was of course being denied my individuality, or even my status of being a human being.

The fears I had and never shared with my friends were ones that dealt with a fear of being singled out because of my impairment. And as often happens, these views I had learned about people who I considered outside of me, whom I talked about before were really ideas people might have had about myself. And yet, I never admitted the fact that I was different because this implied I was somewhat undeserving of being with others of my own age.

0 comments: