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Gordon's D-Zone Arcive (2006-2014)

Thursday, August 31, 2006

SOUL SEARCHING?

There are times when I'm alone when I get bored and try to ask myself where I am going in my life. Right now I'm rather anxious about my results which will determine whether I will go on for my second year of my studies, but the questions go further than that.

It's really about my position in the world as I look back at what I have achieved so far. But then it's also about what is really meaningful to me in my life at this stage.



As I've been travelling since I was a toddler, I have seen and touched different realities and people. I am thus not seeking a belonging in terms of a defined set of values that must be right all of the time. I do like to change and change a lot I did. It's a matter of finding the right questions to ask myself to get where I want to be.

I don't know if this is making sense, but life sometimes doesn't make much sense either. Or perhaps we do not understand the signs before us and search elsewhere when the answer is within our soul.


THE TREASURE OF FRIENDS




But sometimes we only come to realise who we are because we are made of aware of who we are by others. Although we may take our friends for granted, today I came to realise how important they are to me. Probably, none of my friends know I've started blogging away here but of course that doesn't make them less present in the things I write.

The fact is that the thing with friends is that you're comfortable around them and are not afraid of falling prey to stereotyping that is prolific in the media and in the outside circles of 'acquaintances'. I mean that I've grown up thinking I was non-disabled and have grown up rejecting myself as a disabled person. A thing I changed radically over the past 3 or 4 years. The interesting thing however is both non-disabled friends and disabled friends treat me as a person which is what should be proper really. My point is I get these reactions everytime I'm with complete strangers.

1. I disappear. They talk to the person accompanying me and if I'm alone shy away or else avoid me at all costs.

2. treat me as a child. You know, "you must be very happy?" or "you're very, very smart cutie". Of course I know I'm smart and cute but it's not something to yell about.

3. Pity or concern. I get this often when I'm in hospital. Things on the lines of "You must be very sad..." or "How are you coping, poor thing?"


Of course there are lots more. When friends treat me like that it's probably because they want to piss me off. Or they just want to tease me to the point of giving me a heart attack. And no, if you're wondering I don't have a heart condition yet.

Well, I guess that's all for today. I think I'm ready to tell some of my friends about this zone ...

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

SOUL MATE

I'm sure some of you have experienced the feeling that there might be someone out there who is waitig for you. Actually, you're waiting for her and as you don't know the other person you live separated by silences. I have been in love and fell out of love many times, especially when I hit the age 13 point. Though still single and available ;) ... this hasn't discouraged me from writing love poetry for real and ideal women.

I do appreciate women because they have been my best friends ever since I remember and to be honest the female figure is a masterpiece. Here is a short poem that I came up with. Hope you enjoy...

A SOUL MATE


There is a firmament that separates me and you.
But it's not one between heaven and earth, or even light and dark.
There is a calling drawing me to you.
But it's not one of words or signs and symbols.
There is space that distances us both.
But it's not made of matter or bodies we can see.


You remain unknown to my senses and my reason.
With no name or clue as to the place you inhabit.
But before I can tell you I know you I knew you.
Before time and space were drawn we were once together.

But life and death made us grow apart so much.
Made us into boys and girls until in nature we forgot ourselves.
But if there is a justice, we will meet our fate.
To reunite our nature and attest to an eternal faith in love.

For wherever or whoever you may be,
we are soul mates ...
WONDERING WANDERER

I've gone through quite a lot of experiences in these past 24 years. But to this day, I am always baffled by the things I find myself hearing frm others and from myself. I am still confused by the reality that for many who don't know me I come across as different things, ranging from the tragic poor 'cripple', to the member of the species that has 'special needs' from the rest of the population.

I mean I do feel sometimes put off when I think about how it feels like to be 24 and still be regarded, for all intents and purposes, as a child needing care and guidance. But of course, I'm a man like any other so before people start showering me with insincere praise at my bravery or else with equally poignant sympathy at my 'losses' and tragedy, I advice them to consider this:

1. I have been born with my physical impairment and have adapted to my new visual impairment very well thank you. If you want to help make a careful self-examination and you'll realise the implications of calling me 'less fortunate'.

2. I'm as different as the wheelchair user next door, so please stop comparing me to someone I do not even know from Adam.

I can only say that I have for a long time wanted to change who I was but now realise that there is value in who I am regardless of what others might say.

Monday, August 28, 2006

A NEW BLOG IS BORN ...


I've made various attempts at making my presence felt on the internet. But in so far as websites I've created were fulfilling, the fact remained they took much of my time and energy. Besides that, with my lifestyle I wanted something that I could use without being too demanding on my resources. After all, I want a life to live.

I have written a lot in my childhood and early adolescence and as I enjoy writing amongst other things, I thought that I could put a personal touch into this blog business that I am just getting acquainted with. My d-zone here will take a life of its own eventually but it's more of an expression of myself and of my relationship with the world.


Amongst the topics I will tackle is my experiences as a disabled person, my newfound dreams and aspirations and of course any boring news that I am willing to share with you to fill the pages. OK, the last one was a joke but it may be true. After all, boredom is a relative concept.

That seems a good start ... Be well!