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Gordon's D-Zone Arcive (2006-2014)

Thursday, August 31, 2006

SOUL SEARCHING?

There are times when I'm alone when I get bored and try to ask myself where I am going in my life. Right now I'm rather anxious about my results which will determine whether I will go on for my second year of my studies, but the questions go further than that.

It's really about my position in the world as I look back at what I have achieved so far. But then it's also about what is really meaningful to me in my life at this stage.



As I've been travelling since I was a toddler, I have seen and touched different realities and people. I am thus not seeking a belonging in terms of a defined set of values that must be right all of the time. I do like to change and change a lot I did. It's a matter of finding the right questions to ask myself to get where I want to be.

I don't know if this is making sense, but life sometimes doesn't make much sense either. Or perhaps we do not understand the signs before us and search elsewhere when the answer is within our soul.


THE TREASURE OF FRIENDS




But sometimes we only come to realise who we are because we are made of aware of who we are by others. Although we may take our friends for granted, today I came to realise how important they are to me. Probably, none of my friends know I've started blogging away here but of course that doesn't make them less present in the things I write.

The fact is that the thing with friends is that you're comfortable around them and are not afraid of falling prey to stereotyping that is prolific in the media and in the outside circles of 'acquaintances'. I mean that I've grown up thinking I was non-disabled and have grown up rejecting myself as a disabled person. A thing I changed radically over the past 3 or 4 years. The interesting thing however is both non-disabled friends and disabled friends treat me as a person which is what should be proper really. My point is I get these reactions everytime I'm with complete strangers.

1. I disappear. They talk to the person accompanying me and if I'm alone shy away or else avoid me at all costs.

2. treat me as a child. You know, "you must be very happy?" or "you're very, very smart cutie". Of course I know I'm smart and cute but it's not something to yell about.

3. Pity or concern. I get this often when I'm in hospital. Things on the lines of "You must be very sad..." or "How are you coping, poor thing?"


Of course there are lots more. When friends treat me like that it's probably because they want to piss me off. Or they just want to tease me to the point of giving me a heart attack. And no, if you're wondering I don't have a heart condition yet.

Well, I guess that's all for today. I think I'm ready to tell some of my friends about this zone ...

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